I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
