I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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