I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
