the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
May the power of my ass compel you!!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
