Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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