apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
