"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
