so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
