You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
