I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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