Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We don't watch enough power rangers
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
