garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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