I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
