she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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