Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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