help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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