I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
