i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am spending my child support on dildos
even my farts smell like vagina
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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