He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you will always have a special place in my vag
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
