Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
