I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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