I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
