I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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