Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
