i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
