he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This house was built for laser tag.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize