He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Vodka?
Forever.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
