it wasn't lemon gatorade
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
True college students do jello shots in the library
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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