if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
