My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
