used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
