I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize