haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
