bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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