There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
