hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She told me I should be a condom model.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
