I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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