Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
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