don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
