look no pants
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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