Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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