I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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