why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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