you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
