You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
