Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Acid is not a monday night drug
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
