my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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