He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
