So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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