Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
