I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
