i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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