Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
