I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
