You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
