I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We need a shit load of segways right now
Randomize
