she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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