I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
