She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
