I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
