I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
