Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize