he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
