is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
