i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
