Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
