Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
