if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
