Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
