I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize