i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize