Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
