Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
