i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
