we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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