I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She bit a glass in half.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
