***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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