Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
