He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
