I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
