soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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