i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
