YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
