there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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