I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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