he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
