i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
