It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
