Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
